“Somewhere out there is another little freak who will love us and understand us and kiss our three heads and make it all better.” — Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City.
We all look for a person in our lives who will kiss our tears away; make us laugh until our cheeks hurt; who will encourage us to run an extra mile; a person with whom you would want to share your cupcake or perhaps eat theirs too; with whom you want to grow old; but most importantly a person who will understand you.
If you have found the one and are thinking of tying the knot soon, here are a couple of questions you may want to ask your partner before you put a ring on your relationship.
- Personal Value:- Understanding the priorities and personal values of your partner plays a very important part in laying the friendship (read- foundation) of your relationship.
The questions shall help you understand and balance your expectations with the relationship.
- Who are they most close to?
- With whom do they like to spend most of the time?
- What do you consider very important in life?
- Whether they enjoy their jobs or not?
- What is their opinion on a subject you feel is important.
2. Career Goals- It is very important to keep in mind that you both are different individuals with a very different upbringing and childhood. Having financial security is perhaps a need for you but having a fulfilling career is much more important for your partner. Balance and supportive nature will be the brick and mortar of your soon to be home.
Questions like the following may help you introspect -
- Where do they see their career in the next 10 years?
- Does their career take precedence over other aspects of life?
- Whether they are salary driven or they view the job as their passion?
- How much support can you expect from your partner towards your career?
- Whose career will take precedence if it became necessary?
3. Communication : Conversations are the bridge for your communion. It’s not the common grounds that you need to stand upon but the ability to hold each other in difficult times. Communication is the route to a healthy relationship. Sharing your concerns, thoughts, point of views are as important as listening to your partner’s.
Questions like the following may help you gain a perspective-
- Whether your partner has trust issues?
- How is your partner’s expression of love towards you?
- Does your history of relations bother your partner or vice versa?
- Whether you agree on division of labour for household chores?
- How do you come to make a decision about a conflict of interest?
4. Lifestyle/ Monetary decisions-When you have found a home in a person, you may want to understand how to manage it. Try to keep this in your mind that you are building a home together, not for your own self. Build a safe haven together, not a bat cave!
The following questions may help you manage your expectations.
- Where are you expecting to live? A house or an apartment?
- What is your and your partner’s idea of vacation?
- How are you planning to manage the finances?
- Do you plan on signing a prenup agreement?
- Whether you or your partner have any other financial obligation to another person (legal or moral) that you need to be aware of?
5. Family Planning:- It is true that kids are an important part of life. And society has sort of created the notion that children complete the family. But it is not true. You are as complete you can be with just the two of you. It is up to you both to decide whether you want to have kids or not.
If yes, then you may want to consider following questions:-
- How many children are you planning to have?
- When do you want to have children?
- Are you willing to try other methods (IVF, Sperm donation, surrogacy, adoption etc.) in case you are not able to have children naturally?
- Does your partner like the way they were raised?
- What is your perspective on being a stay-at-home parent?
The questions are never ending. You are going to have doubts, you are going to be scared, you are going to have disagreements but you always need to remember that it’s you both against the world and not, you versus your partner. You must never assume partner’s opinion or choices. Communication is the key and so is trust. Grow together and flourish.